I feel as if we are so close. I also feel that I am having to convince him. I am angry as hell at dennis. why buy alcohol for him? does he not realize that he was here alone with the kids? I am hopeful, I am worried, I am scared. at least we talked, at least we didn't fight. I am thankful that he listened and he didn't retaliate and get mad. let this vehicle thing work out, please let me find something so the van can go. the only thing I am concerned with is the house. I don't know how willing they will be to let us stay. I need to take one day at a time and breathe and know that no matter how much I push, no matter how much I beg or plead, that I am not in control. please help me to see that. I am really conflicted about church. I really am. they know but yet they don't seek out? shouldn't they? shouldn't they realize that they shouldn't just wait? shouldn't they make it a point to check in? or at least think before they speak. what makes you honestly think that I am good to hand out waters with three kids under foot, after just seeing me two hours ago and me telling you things are good and my husband has currently been drinking since Saturday? why would you not have prayer, why wouldn't you have prayer first and then gather? ugggh. I am so confused and so unsure of where I, we are supposed to be. my thoughts are swimming so fast in my head and I am struggling to think straight. I really am.
I know that Your hand is in this, I know that I need to trust you, I know that. please help me to trust you and what you are doing. because right now I need you desperately. let me trust you and know that you are the one in control.
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