i am scared. I am scared shitless . I don't know how exactly to feel right now. on one hand I feel sad and I accept that he has a disease. on the other, I am angry and can't believe that we are in this place and this position. meaning why did he do this, why has he made these choices. we are fucked. I feel like I am a person that is all hoity toity, I can picture my husband saying that to me, look at you fake person, look at you trying to take control and be the leader, its what you wanted....ugggh.....
am I trying to control the situation or am I trying to protect my family by looking at what I need to do. am I supposed to sit back and just wait until more implodes? rent and electric, those are my biggest concerns. this is where I am fearful. how much will diane and steve give, wait and be patient? 350 a week, we definitely can't do that now! what the hell am I supposed to do?
I need a miracle, honestly I do
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