full realization that my life had become unmanageable.....
I am powerless over alcohol, but not over my life, my actions, or myself...
I have never really admitted I was powerless over alcohol. I keep trying to influence, manipulate and change my husbands behavior rather than my own....
make a list of things that bring me joy...
working at the shop
sitting by the lake
being with family
helping others(these 2 side jobs)
walking, hiking in the woods
driving to the beach
journaling, writing
watching movies with meaning
singing, playing piano
when I can't control things, it gives me a feeling of hopelessness and despair...
I cannot blame everything on the drinking and I cannot convince another person to stop drinking, no matter how much I do or say...
I became a part of it and I became an expert at my own role, let's fix it before anyone finds out....
my frustration and resentment were covered up with denial and determination, accented with my need to control...
control, there is the biggie
an endless battle of letting it go and taking it back....this is me, this is my life, give it to God, things are okay and I am okay, boom, here we go again, I pull it back because he can't fix it...madness
I need to learn how to change my own life and really live....
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