I feel like I was in a spiraling nightmare and couldn't wake up. each day I wasn't sure what was in store. I wasn't sure what the mood, tone and result of the day would be. now that I am awake, it still is cloudy. I had hoped for a different outcome, but to no avail, I guess in all reality it is not what I wanted, what I wanted to control it to be. why, because I am not in control. and that terrifies me. I don't want to be on board only to crash again in a few weeks. I am so tired, so exhausted, so worried, so hopeless, so angry. I am tired of feeling like this. I want to believe that it can and will work, but I don't. I need to work my own program and back off of his. I need to support him in the best way I can and know how, but not be overbearing or discouraging.
and now by stating the obvious, I feel like I have tainted the situation. but I am tired of lying and covering for him, making up excuses. I need to face my giants, he needs to face his giants and I need to trust god, not myself, but god.
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